I started to ask myself WHY I had chosen each goal. What did I want to accomplish? Was it still realistic? Could I put the goal on “pause” and revisit it in the future, instead of feeling like a failure?
These questions helped me sift through my goals. Re-framing them from “failure” to “pause” helped me reconsider my plans without feeling like I was giving up.
I wasn't saying "no" forever, only for a few months. I felt like I could breathe for the first time in a long time.
I’m currently reevaluating those goals now that I have emotional distance from them. Some are tossers. Some are keepers. Most need tweaks to fit my life.
But now I feel much lighter and like I control my goals, not the other way around.
- I couldn’t even take my own advice.
When I first started my blog, I focused a lot on mindset. To be fair, my mental gameis better than most. You don’t get an athletic scholarship to Notre Dame, or win 4 consecutive Big East titles, or run 3 half marathons, or win trophies in figure competitions without grit.
I’m really good at guiding people through uncomfortable experiences when they want to give up. I’ve written posts about getting back on the wagon, how to approach tough exercises, and my own struggles with mindset.
But I couldn’t do that anymore. Especially in the gym - what I consider my second home. Because I'd gained weight, I berated myself each time I looked in the mirror.
I didn’t practice what I preached!
My boyfriend brought this to my attention, using a technique I use myself. He asked, “If you had a client dealing with depression, what would you say to her?”
BAM - I’d be supportive and compassionate.
Why couldn't I do that for myself??
Changing my self-talk became a priority. I had to be more positive. Now, I’m not talking woo-woo cheerleading pep talks. It was a multi-step process that looked something like this:
“You’re a lot heavier than you’ve been. You let yourself go. How could you this to yourself? UGH.”
Step 1: Pause my brain and divert my thoughts. Either concentrate on my muscles performing the exercise, my breath, or physically move to a different part of the gym. (In hindsight, I probably confused a lot of people.)
Step 2: Say an alternative, neutral “maybe” statement. “Maybe the depression medicine caused the gain, which I can’t control.”
Step 3: Remind myself it’s a future goal. “I may not feel comfortable now, but I can focus on weight loss later, when it's a better time to revisit this goal.”
That framework helped me replace self-contempt with compassion. Workouts got easier and I didn’t feel embarrassed to work out. I felt reconnected to my body and gained a new respect for the power of positive self-talk.