Sometimes I feel like a total faker. Here I am, a yoga teacher who has built a little business around yoga lifestyle but when stress creeps up, I flip out. Where is that inner calm I'm "supposed" to have? Do I just talk the talk but not walk the walk?
I think that no matter what your job - there are always aspects that rub you the wrong way. There isn't anything else in this world that I'd rather do than plug away at YBC, but it isn't always incense and fairy dust around here.
About a month ago I started to feel my jaw begin to tighten again (my body's response to stress, awesome!) and I started to have a mini panic that a repeat of this summer's quarter life crisis would happen, so I sat down with myself and said, "Self, figure your s#it out. You know what to do."
And then the other part of me, a seemingly skeptical, angsty teenager and was like, "Really? I know what to do?"
So I started implementing an intentional, dedicated meditation practice. I always feel like I am behind on something, so my biggest excuse over the last year has been that I don't have time. Which is an eye-roll inducing, super lame excuse that's about as good as I can't practice yoga because I'm not flexible. Ugh, the worst.
But to ease my inner sense that I truly do not have five minutes to spare, I compromised with myself (side note: I know it sounds like there are twelve different personalities within, just go with it) and said, "Just ten breaths. Ten quality breaths."
And that's how it started. Every morning before I turn on my phone or get out of bed, I sit up, blankets wrapped around me and take ten, quality, deep breaths. I think nothing, I just breathe. And every night, before I lay down to read, I turn off my phone, get in bed, and take another ten, quality, deep breaths.
Is it a robust twenty minute practice? No.
Should I probably do it longer? Yes.
But it works for me for this time in my life and I'll tell you a secret. It makes a tremendous difference in my life and I look forward to these two minute meditations every morning and every evening. In the morning, it helps to start my day off on the right foot. It might go to hell from there, but at least it started off on a positive note. In the evening, it helps to decompress from the chaos of the day and I like to think it preps me for a good night's sleep, although I will confess that last night I had a dream that my friend and I took a road trip, missed our turn, and wound up in a major car accident. We woke up in a country where we couldn't trust anyone and we didn't understand the hospital workers so we had to plan our escape. The good news is we escaped and everything was okay.
And in the end, everything is always okay.
Tomorrow will be quiet here on the blog. I need to take the day so I can catch up on some behind the scenes projects. I wish you the loveliest of weekends. xo
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