Our contributing Love and Relationships writer Pooks is back with another installment. Hope you guys enjoy. xoCandace
You know when you’re sitting on the couch watching the Office with your hand down your pants and then that traumatizing EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM thingy with that horrid rainbow (how DARE they bastardize rainbows like that) pops up and you nearly poop yourself? Yeah, that’s this post. Nasty ass emergency rainbow post. I was supposed to consult on dating profiles this month, but the shit fan has been on and I GOTS THINGS TO SAY. So, pardon me while I interrupt your regularly scheduled programming.
So yeah, ya know, I took the plunge into the online dating swamp roughly 3 months ago. I swam competitively in middle school so I was hopeful I wouldn’t drown, and that I in fact might do quite well (#eliteathlete). I was ready (or was I?) and I dove right in and was doing all sorts of backstroke flip turns (#reallyeliteathlete), ready to find my shit-blocking unicorn. And much to my surprise, I started dating someone that was quite different from the type of guy with whom I had imagined myself. He didn’t fit the *ideal* Pooks dating prototype, but I was willing to broaden my horizons because I was psyched… he seemed to have all the qualities of a ride or die, shit-blocking unicorn!
Until he didn’t.
And man, did he not.
So yeah, the shit fan is on. Blowing straight in my face. Like the type of fan where he looks me in the eye and tells me he never wants to lose me... but there’s blonde hair in his master bathroom (SPOILER ALERT: see my pic above). The type of fan where he says that he wants to make me feel special, and take care of me, and protect me... but my toothbrush is missing and my jean jacket is hidden under all his sweatshirts, as if he's trying to erase all evidence of me from his life. And there’s more, but that’s neither here nor there, so take mercy on me and use your imagination.
Okay... so ultimately it seems that my (potential) shit-blocking unicorn is actually just a shit-full donkey. My anxiety runs rampant. I cry a lot. I know he’s not the one for me but dammit, I’m attached. I’m so sad. And so confused. And so tired. But I know what I have to do - dump him via text from a fine dining establishment in Slovenia, duh.
Like legit, I’m hurting right now. Feeling pretty hopeless about my prospects for love. Feeling like there’s nobody out there for me. Actually... is it me? Am I the problem? Dude, honestly (and to be completely transparent I don’t even know to which Dude I’m addressing this statement), I’m trying. I’m trying to be a good person. I’m trying to be kind and generous. I’m trying to stay positive and hopeful. I’m trying to stay soft and open. But I am failing. I hate failing. I’m angry and hardened. I’m salty and cynical. It’s exhausting, and I am so tired.
But then this thing happens. I think it’s happened before, but maybe I haven’t actually SEEN it until now:
My unicorns show up, and turns out they are women.
It’s pretty much straight out of Black Panther or Wonder Woman. All of my fierce lady friends come stampeding out from all corners of the globe (literally), armed with spears and whips and arrows and AMAZINGLY STYLED BATTLE ARMOR... and, they surround me. They surround me and protect me. They protect me and my wounded heart. They lift me up and carry me to safety where they tend to my cuts and bruises, reassure me and remind me of my worth. They give me THEIR strength.
And I wonder what I’ve done to deserve this (yet again), and then I realize - they’ve all been where I’ve been too. EXACTLY where I’ve been. Bleeding and bruised on the battlefield of love (sorry that’s painfully cheesy) and they’ve needed me, and their other warriors. And we were there for each other. This, my friends, is bonding through heartache. And it’s one of the most amazing experiences of my life.
Now I’m sitting here rethinking this whole unicorn thing. What if it’s not just one unicorn we should look for? What if it’s an army of unicorns, and the person we date is just one soldier in that army? And what if that army has been there all along?
And to be clear - this doesn't mean I'm giving up the search for my shit-blocking unicorn. He's out there, I know it, and someday I'm going to make him mine. But in the meantime... me and my army are DOING. JUST. FINE.
I’d love to hear about times that YOUR friends and/or family have lifted you up. Or, if you’re not sure where your unicorn army is and need a few words of encouragement, drop me a line! You can reach me in the comments below, or hit me up directly. Hasta pronto, YBCers!
PS: I want to thank my unicorn army (Disclaimer: a couple of my unicorns are also men) for their ongoing love and support (in alphabetical order, obvi!): Alexia, Ashley, Candace, Caryn, Chorale, Julia, Katie, Keith Alan, Ken, Kristi, Lily, Mary Kate, Matt, Matty and Sam. And a SPECIAL thank you to Alex, for being the inspiration behind this post. Love you guys!